life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
