bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just had sex bonerless
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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