all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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