Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
