you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
