mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
