You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
