I never want to see another naked old woman again.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
