I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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