Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
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Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
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No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".