Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life