so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...