anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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