I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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