Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
