Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin