true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
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but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.