just tell him i said nine months
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
