If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
