Already got asked if we're dating
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.