Texts From Last Night

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  (619): View more from California

  i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.

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  (619): i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus. http://tfl.nu/t4dv
  Replies (20) Good night (8095) Bad night (806)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song

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  (508): i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song http://tfl.nu/g4s1
  Replies (13) Good night (3950) Bad night (548)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.

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  (513): Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times. http://tfl.nu/rlhm
  Replies (21) Good night (594) Bad night (4187)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.

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  (732): I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations. http://tfl.nu/j5w5
  Replies (48) Good night (4784) Bad night (1802)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...

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  (630): She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket... http://tfl.nu/7hai
  Replies (11) Good night (1368) Bad night (3512)
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  (909): View more from California

  The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."

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  (909): The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling." http://tfl.nu/73er
  Replies (20) Good night (8644) Bad night (1338)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.

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  (303): I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf. http://tfl.nu/kj2s
  Replies (20) Good night (7026) Bad night (833)
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  (209): View more from California

  What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?

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  (209): What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons? http://tfl.nu/8u4p
  Replies (20) Good night (3203) Bad night (1053)
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  (445): View more from Pennsylvania

  My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.

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  (445): My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment. http://tfl.nu/kvle
  Replies (5) Good night (1466) Bad night (769)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.

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  (601): You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion. http://tfl.nu/8mpu
  Replies (10) Good night (2137) Bad night (738)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I wanna throw up and cum in that order

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  (810): I wanna throw up and cum in that order http://tfl.nu/1c7p
  Replies (3) Good night (725) Bad night (1351)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox

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  (734): nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox http://tfl.nu/ge10
  Replies (4) Good night (1162) Bad night (465)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.

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  (817): Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount. http://tfl.nu/oq9w
  Replies (10) Good night (2004) Bad night (347)
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  (714): View more from California

  Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?

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  (714): Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus? http://tfl.nu/oxq8
  Replies (5) Good night (538) Bad night (377)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker

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  (506): The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker http://tfl.nu/zneu
  Replies (4) Good night (328) Bad night (727)

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