am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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