I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
