I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
