You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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