Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
