Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
