Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

tequila makes me forget i have legs

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(206): View more from Washington

someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.

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(804): View more from Virginia

we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine

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(415): View more from California

Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?

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(312): View more from Illinois

OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue

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