Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
