I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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