Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
