I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
