Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
