peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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