My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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