I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
