you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
