You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
