never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
