I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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