its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Randomize
