Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
