Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
