omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
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