He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
