I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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