dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
