We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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