I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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