I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
