His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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