eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
