If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
