I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
