My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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