i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
