the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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