cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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