I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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