Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I didn't notice because vodka
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
