I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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