trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
