I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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