Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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