i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
