my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
