he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
