and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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