he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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