Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
