Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
