I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
