i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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