It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
