is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
