I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
