Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
