Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
