my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i think im in europe. pls send help
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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