While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
