I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize