I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You're like the curious george of whores
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
