You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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