you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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