i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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