2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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