So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
