i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
