remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Randomize
