Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
