yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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