why didn't you poke me back
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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