We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
