you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
